What is an artist to expect from their first museum exhibit experience?
A boost in their artistic career?
A changed world?
I thought I knew but as fate would have it, I was wrong.
It turns out; an artist could expect no one to show up.
An artist could expect to have their self-righteous attempt at delivering a world changing message through the audacity of art be utterly and completely rejected. It turns out that an artist may realize their art is not as goods as they thought it was. It turns out the museum could undergo administration issues coinciding with the opening of your exhibit and thus close down, with no intent to reopen until after your exhibit ended….
“Where they do that at?”
Yea, that happened and the above mentioned are all things I learned from my museum experience and what I’ve now dubbed: CODE MUSEUM.
Early 2015 awarded me an opportunity of a lifetime. I would exhibit my art, my ideas in a public museum setting. I was selected to participate on the premise that I was an emerging artistic talent in the city with strong promise to excel in the future. My ability to create outside of tradition whether it be in medium or content was the catalyst for selection and so I operated from this understanding.
I misunderstood and was not prepared for what occurred in any way, shape or form.
I was literally thrown into the prongs of a premature artistic death.[INSERT DRAMA HERE]. My past sins come awash. I told you this was dramatic, lol. I wanted nothing to do with art afterwards…for months, until now, in June of 2016. I was commissioned to create art, invited to participate in art shows, but none of this appealed to me any longer. I had completely washed my hands with art. I felt my one opportunity, my one chance as an artist from the underground, attempting to pull herself up from her high-heeled bootstraps was slighted by some sort of karmic vengeance I had no clue was justified. I felt done.
You see these past years have been years of discovery in terms of trying to figure out just who I was. I was caught up in art and I wanted to be. I deemed it my lane, my avenue, me.
What a damn dangerous mistake.
By attaching my identity to art and art only, I was attaching myself to subjection, to impermanence. I as erroneously identifying myself as a fleeting soul, up for extinguishing at the hands of an invisible realm that consisted of words and opinions by my peers or my own insecurities at any given minute. After all, my knowledge of art history, contemporary and old taught me that.
This sentiment would go on for months after the exhibit until I decided that I refuse for this to be the thing that defined me. Even if it was in my own mind. I’m rebellious that way.
I had ideas. Genuine ideas, new ideas, worthy of sharing.
Because of this shabacle and the ability to regroup, thanks mom and dad for raising me to be resilient, I’m approaching this art thing differently.
Because of this shabacle, I’ve learned what not to do and the actions I will take the next time an opportunity like CODE MUSEUM comes around…and it will. I’ve decided that I would share this with other artists aspiring to “be” in the unpredictable game of contemporary art.
The journey is still on…”fuck you” CODE MUSEUM,…”I’ve missed you A REBEL EYE ART STUDIOS. ” I’m back baby.